Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
