piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
