you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I pour the whiskey from now on
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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