Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
