I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize