puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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