Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
