Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
high people should be assigned attendants
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
