ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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