Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
