Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
zippers are such a cool invention
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
