So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
