Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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