When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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