She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
