There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
