Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
