my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
