Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
