just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
