The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
