I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
