His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
