Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
