she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
