shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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