I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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