I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
