So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
