We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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