you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
