I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Sext me about skeletons
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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