i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
