every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
