I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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