I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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