i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
