I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
