Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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