I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
where am i from again
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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