My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
