I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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