you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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