This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
