five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Alive.
So much puke
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
