I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
