A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
meet me or not, i'm out of control
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
