May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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