Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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