you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You made out with two different species that night
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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