i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
