hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize