my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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