He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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