just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
