It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
