Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Is her dick bigger than yours?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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