it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I had to cum in my sink.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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