When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
