he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
