I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
