The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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