I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
