so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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