the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
