Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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