Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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