I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
When are your genitals available?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
