when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
