Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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