oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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