I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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