I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize