i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
