He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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