Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
