just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Boobs speak an international language.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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