By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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