you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
now i know why i became what i already was.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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