he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
