So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
