I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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