i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize