i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
