the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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