I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He better not be in your backpack
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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