I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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