If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
God, I missed his penis.
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