By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
