$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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