Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize