he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
